• Join The Fed
• Advertise with The Fed

• About Us
• Contact

In This Issue

• CU Lions Massacred by Ballroom Dancing 77-3
• Sen. McCain: “Just Let Me Retire.”
• From the Archives
• Joey Dʼs Last Word on Not Sweating in School
• Everybody Poops...But How Do They Do It?
• A Scientific Study on the Phenomenon of Pre-Gaming
• A First-Hand Look at the Indigenous Peoples of Butler Library: The Ivy League Gone Wild
• Holiday Greeting Cards
• George W. Bush: The Final Countdown
• CULBA: The Columbia Underground Listing of Barnard Ability
• Donʼt Like Waking Up in Your Own Vomit?
• THE FED’s Reading Week Drinking Games
• Gossip Girl Comes to Columbia University
• Four out of Five Dentists Agree...
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 24.3

Sarah Levin

Hello there, Morningside Heighters, Gossip Girl here: your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the Columbia Trust Fund Baby elite.

Ah, there's nothing quite like autumn in New York City. The air crisper than the lacrosse team's Lacoste collars, the fall leaves almost as colorful as the unseasonably early Christmas decorations at Duane Reade, and of course, the gossip juicier than that adderall-grapefruit smoothie you had for dinner.

Here's this week's scoop-of course, names have been changed to protect the innocent (or not-so-innocent):

Spotted: M sneaking out of a certain JJ 9 single early Friday morning with last night's smudged eyeliner and no CUID, according to our sources at the building's front desk. Looks like that's two cards M just gave up. And unfortunately for M, only one can be replaced with a twenty.

Spotted: D running down the Low Library steps with a mysterious white powder clinging to her recently pierced left nostril. Dabbling in drugs or turning to donuts for comfort? Either way, D, your debutante mom will not be pleased.

Spotted: Footballer G taking the elevator up to the 4th floor of Carman. He's sporting no signs of a debilitating injury-and no signs of regret or remorse despite the chastising eyes of his elevator mates going to the 12th floor. Watch out, G. Columbia's a small school with even smaller elevators, and it has no tolerance for eleva-whores. He better hope those 12ers aren't strong enough to lift the 4th floor lounge TV. Love it.

Spotted: S checking out John Donne and Diplomatic Contexts in the Reformed Netherlands, 1619- 1920 at Butler Tuesday night. You know two other girls in your poli sci class needed that book, S. Good luck making friends to study with! We can't say it's a downgrade, though- her last check-out was last March, Meg Cabot's Spunky Independent Girl Finds True Love in Metropolitan City which, sources say, she hid in a Brothers Karamazov book jacket.

Spotted: Freshie C late to her 9:10 U Writing class-for the third time this month. We understand it's a long trek to Pupin, but seriously, C? Attendance is worth a whopping 20% and we know your Lens Essay got a B-. Careful Freshie, or that C won't just apply to your name. You better pray that your comment on dangling modifiers saves your participation grade.

Spotted: Columbia's feathered friend, H, eyeing some "chicks" by Lewisohn. Could romance be in the air? Only time will tell, but we hear Bwog editor L is as jealous as can be. What's wrong, L? Afraid H's wandering eyes may thwart your attempts to get close to our favorite predator? Seems like a battle has begun for H's affections, and GG's prepared for an inter-species throwdown. Let the games begin.

You know you love me,
XOXO
Gossip Girl