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In This Issue

• CU Lions Massacred by Ballroom Dancing 77-3
• Sen. McCain: “Just Let Me Retire.”
• From the Archives
• Joey Dʼs Last Word on Not Sweating in School
• Everybody Poops...But How Do They Do It?
• A Scientific Study on the Phenomenon of Pre-Gaming
• A First-Hand Look at the Indigenous Peoples of Butler Library: The Ivy League Gone Wild
• Holiday Greeting Cards
• George W. Bush: The Final Countdown
• CULBA: The Columbia Underground Listing of Barnard Ability
• Donʼt Like Waking Up in Your Own Vomit?
• THE FED’s Reading Week Drinking Games
• Gossip Girl Comes to Columbia University
• Four out of Five Dentists Agree...
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 24.3

Sarah Levin

Editor-in-Chief: Sam Reisman
Publisher: Sophie Litschwartz
Head Submissions Editor: Alex Aaronson
Managing Editor: Adam Valen Levinson

Graphics/Layout Editor: Sarah Levin
Publicity/Layout Editor: Rachel Paige Katz
Webmaster: Arnold Park
Secretary: Carly Silver

Submissions Editors
Amital Isaac
Aarti Iyer
Henry Mortensen
Jeffrey Scharfstein
Max Shutran

Contributors
Rowan Buchanan
Stephen K. Chan
Ben Henderson
Jacob Jensen
Jochen Kang
Nina Pedrad
Noah Pritzker
Greg Schwartz
Shaina Rubin
Lauren Zanedis
Sean Zhuraw

© 2008 The Fed. Submissions, comments, and the occassional pressing concern are welcome at thefed@columbia.edu, where they will not be pulped. The Fed accepts unsolicited submissions and sexual favors. We reserve the right to edit both for clarity and length. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of Columbia University. The actual views of The Fed are as follows:

1. This issue of The Fed has been approved for general audiences.
2. By "general," we mean land-owning white heterosexual males in "real-America" states only.