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In This Issue

• Rock Band and Blow: A Love Affair
• Past Parties in My Pants
• The Fed Presents: My Very First Acid Trip
• CAVA, Will You Be My Valentine?
• W. and Dick Wal your Mart
• ‘Roids, Trout, and Other New Laws of 2009
• got meth?
• COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY DANCE MARATHON
• How to Lose a Fuckbuddy
• Famous Valentine's Day Figures
• The February Napoleon Complex
• Quick Cards
• The Year of the Screwed: Chinese New Year Horrorscope
• The Fed Presents: This is Why We're Hot
• The True Change In Which America Believes!
• THE FED has this to say
• Ten Signs Your Valentine's Day Date is Gay
• From the Archives
• They Watch
• The Staff

So, hi. I'm a little new at this. Umm, I think I'm supposed to tell you how awesome The Fed is and that you should join, but I've never really read these little gray box things anyway.

I guess I should tell you what this is all about... For the most part, we sit around and crack jokes at each other, snowballing them until it reaches the inevitable holocaust joke or something of the like.

Then, we cough and fidget uncomfortably, and get back to our secondary purposes of writing, editing, drawing, or laying out. But mostly we are just funny people being ourselves.

Try to remember back to high school when you would go to your friend Zach's basement when his parents were out, smoke out of his huge bong, and then sit around philosophizing and playing Madden. It's kind of like that too, but we don't play Madden anymore. And we listen to better music then you did then.

What I'm really trying to say is that even though it's half way into the year, please come join us in our primary and secondary focuses. I promise we'll like you!

Meetings Every Sunday 9 PM
Our Office: Lerner 5, Broadway Side
in Student Club Resources.

TheFed@columbia.edu