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In This Issue

• Gilded Age Remembered
• A Dutty-Dance with Death
• Cracking the Porcelein Castle
• The Fed Presents: Lessons in Parenting
• The Dodgessy
• A Collection of Haikus
• The Winter In My Soul
• Sometimes Misinformation Can Be Quite Deadly
• The Potomac’s Constitutional Sewage
• Missed Connections
• Bail-outopoly
• The Short List of Columbia University Clubs
• Beastiality Ever-After
• The Party Doesn’t Stop During a Global Recession
• got meth?
• Getting Ass in Class
• From the Archives
• THE FED has this to say
• They Watch
• The Staff

Columbia Marching Band - "Awkward. Sexually active. Awkardly sexually active."

Queer Alliance - "Edgy haircut, tight pants."

Sigma Delta Tau - "Slutty daughters of the Torah."

Conversio Virium, BDSM - "Useful tips for everyday life."

Psi Upsilon (PsiU), Owl House - "Home of the mentally challenged and chemically skilled."

Kendo - "Big sticks." "Really Big sticks." "Fucking massive sticks."

Chowdah - "I'm glad they think they're funny." "He's naked! Isn't that hilarious?! Please laugh?"

Orchesis - "They dance like nobody's watching. Because no one ever is."

Columbia Mock Trial - "I mock object to your mock arguement." "Sexy in that boxy suit way."

Korean Christian Crusaders - "Korean Khristian Krusaders."

Kingsmen - "Acapella frat."

Clefhangers - "Like Nonsequitor and Notes and Keys but, like, totally different."

Tai Kwon Do - "Dominatrixes in Training."

Alpha Delta Phi - "Dip a hipster in a mixed drink, smoke gently for a few hours, rinse, and repeat thirty times."

Student Council - "Performs a function similar to that of the queen of England, largely decorative." "Smells of moth balls and self-importance."

Philolexian Society - "Ironic ego is still ego." "The things they do to logic are illegal in some states."

Green Group - "Platinum Card Holders at Hemp, Inc."

Swing Dance - "Otherwise known as the Historical Sociological Society." "Dating for dorks."

Hillel - "Orthodox girls are such a teases"

Columbia Lions Football - "You bring down the GPA of the entire school and you still don't win any games." "Where the financial aid package went."

Varsity Show - "Advertising campaign that's more pretentious than the Bwog."

WBAR - "Didn't like your music when I heard it through my dorm wall."

CUSnacks - "CuStoners."

Break Dance - "Half-Asian kids pretending to be black."

College Republicans - "Ragainst their hippie parents" "Daddy Issues Anonymous"

College Democrats - "Do me harder Hillary"

The Spectator - "Nothing absolutely nothing." "They know 10^9 ways to write ‘yawn'."

The Fed - "Come to my office I'll tell you ALL about it. Nudge, nudge, wink."