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In This Issue

• Gilded Age Remembered
• A Dutty-Dance with Death
• Cracking the Porcelein Castle
• The Fed Presents: Lessons in Parenting
• The Dodgessy
• A Collection of Haikus
• The Winter In My Soul
• Sometimes Misinformation Can Be Quite Deadly
• The Potomac’s Constitutional Sewage
• Missed Connections
• Bail-outopoly
• The Short List of Columbia University Clubs
• Beastiality Ever-After
• The Party Doesn’t Stop During a Global Recession
• got meth?
• Getting Ass in Class
• From the Archives
• THE FED has this to say
• They Watch
• The Staff

1.
Swirly scramble gone
Fixing mistakes of dumb sluts
Abortion is fun

2.
Sexy zombies, hot
Lick my balls, graveyard coitus
Fingerbanging ghouls

3.
Bouncy, bouncy boobs
Divine presents from heaven
Her face, not so much

4.
Squid masturbation
Marine life fornication
Narwhal vibrator

5.
John Jay food yucky
Rather eat a toilet brush
Get me some cocaine

6.
Queasy feeling sick
Poop typhoon in my brain
Uggh I read the Spec
7.
Late night in Butler
So many pages to write
Wish I had clothes on

8.
Rejected again
Feeling dejected again
No one likes stalkers

9.
Lerner Hall, weird ramps
Chasing punk rocker baboons
Glad I found my faith

10.
Guy next to me stinks
Wonder when he last showered
Oh hold on, that's me

11.
I love my new frat
Spooning with the bros naked
Uh, yeah, no homo

12.
Lions devour Yale
Didn't even stand a chance
Should have locked the cage