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In This Issue

• Hillary Clinton: Always a Political Bridesmaid
• Hipsters Demand Rights and Recognition as a Minority
• North Korea to Sponsor International Rocket Expo at Columbia University
• Bandirah
• The Columbia Commandments
• Reading Comprehension for the Modern Age
• Your Future's So Poor, You Have to Wear Shades
• Master Debaters
• got meth?
• The Fed Presents: Your Horoscope According to Weird Al
• The Fed has this to say
• They Watch
• The Fed's Staff

Directions: Read the following excerpt. In the questions that follow, use the information presented in the passage to choose the best answer.

Got birds and I'm running, yeah
‘Bout a hundred, yeah

Girl, you looks good, won't you back that azz up
You'se a fine motherfucker, won't you back that azz up
Call me big daddy when you back that azz up
Hoe, who is you playing with, back that azz up
Girl, you looks good, won't you back that azz up
You'se a fine motherfucker, won't you back that azz up
Call me big daddy when you back that azz up
Girl, who is you playing with, back that azz up
Girl, you looks good, won't you back that azz up
You'se a fine motherfucker, won't you back that azz up

You got to steal, big ass, yeah
Make me laugh, yeah

(Copyright 1999 Juvenile, taken without permission)

1. What is the main idea presented in this passage?

a) The narrator is upset that he is not called "big daddy."
b) Birds are present in many of the same climates as mammals.
c) Only those who are willing to "back that azz up" can intuit modern social paradigms.
d) Stealing, though it carries certain moral implications, should be considered from the perspective of "big ass."

2. The overall tone of the passage is one of

a) Unconditional admiration
b) Glib irony
c) Mutual respect
d) Subtle derision

3. Which of the following, if true, would most weaken the ideas presented in the passage?

a) An anthropologist discovers that "azz" was a common spelling of "is" in Middle English.
b) An ornithologist discovers that birds are incapable of "back[ing] that azz up."
c) "Azz" is commonly said by construction workers to describe one end of a backhoe.
d) The author is found guilty of aggravated assault.

4. On line 4, the word "motherfucker" is closest in meaning to:

a) Dude
b) riminal
c) Fornicator
d) Lady

5. An appropriate title for this passage is:

a) "You Got to Steal"
b) "Who is You Playing With?"
c) "You'se a Fine Motherfucker, Charlie Brown"
d) "Back that Azz Up"