• Join The Fed
• Advertise with The Fed

• About Us
• Contact

In This Issue

• Manhattanville! Because Complaining Never Gets Old
• Some Crotchety Old Man Stole My ID
• Thoughts While Bronzing on the Steps
• Greetings, From Public Safety
• Dear Mahmoud
• Get Your Horcrux Off My Desk
• Presidents: "We're a BFD"
• The Overachiever's Guide to Breaking the Ten Commandments
• Jew Hater Born a Jew
• From the Barnard Office of Health
• Sexed Up Haikus
• Core Turns Hardcore
• The Netherlands Corner
• An Apology to Our Readers
• They Watch
• The Staff of the Federalist

Emily Hoffman

According to a September 2009 study, there has been a sharp rise in illegal activity among Columbia University students involving the use of fake IDs. These fraudulent documents, usually driver's licenses and foreign passports, have traditionally been used to enable underage drinking.

Recently, however, Columbia University students have taken to selling their student ID cards to siblings and friends who wish to access the exclusive perks that Columbia students enjoy.

The study reports that applications for new ID cards have more than doubled since Fall 2008, which coincided with an increase in sales of Broadway tickets through Student Rush, free iPods given by Apple to supposed Columbia students, and elderly Jewish people riding the Columbia shuttle bus to Fairway.

"There's nothing wrong with it!" said a 76 year old Morningside Heights grandfather with a Columbia undergrad ID who asked to remain nameless. "Why, I remember when the city bus only cost a nickel. I've paid to ride so many buses and trains in my day. The city owes it to me to let me ride this thing for free so I can get my organic bran flakes and grape seed oil. I can't carry enough change to pay for the city bus, and I just don't understand those yellow cards. So I pose as my grandson and get the free ride; it's not like he's ever gonna ride it. What are they gonna do, fine me? That would still be cheaper than paying to ride!" He refused to answer any further questions, saying that he needed to get to Dodge Gymnasium before it closed.

This man is not alone. Many people outside of the Columbia student body have realized the advantage in assuming the identities of legitimate students. Fake Columbia IDs have also been used for discounts at Aerosoles, free empanadas at Havana Central and access to the American Museum of 18th Century Wall Paper.

Given the opportunity to sell their student ID to others, 80% of Columbia students surveyed said that they would. "I'd be all over that shizznit like white on rice," waxed Joshua Seals CC '11, "and I don't see the problem with it. If one of ma' boys wanted to enjoy a nice afternoon with a lady friend and impress her by pretending to be all sensitive and shit, I'd hook him up with my ID to go to MoMA fo' free. That's just how we roll. He'd hook me up with some cheap weed after that, too."

This is a dangerous trend. Fake college IDs are known to have a gateway effect and can lead to more serious identity fraud. There have been reports of General Studies students using fake AARP cards to eat for half price at Bob Evan's before six o'clock PM. It doesn't end there: the habit of using false identification for discounts can lead to more serious fraud later in life.

This might include claiming to be a Nigerian prince who needs $10,000 immediately to finance his fantastic business opportunity or creating another persona in order to continue teaching at a high school after being charged with pedophilia.