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In This Issue

• Cartoons Infiltrate MLB
• Portrait of the Bullshit Artist as a Young Man
• Jon Lajoie Bares All
• The Binding of Isaac: Raw and Uncensored
• MTA Fare Hike Massacres Millions
• Thanksgiving Day From Hell!
• Douches: A Historical Who's Who
• Spin-Off Shows the Fed Would Watch
• World’s Developing Regions Receive Additional Shipment of Bullshit
• The Netherlands Corner
• Mandelatitis
• Planned Parenthood
• They Watch
• The Staff of the Federalist

Dancing with the Stars:
Dancing with the Dead Stars- Just because Heath Ledger, Farrah Fawcett, and Billy Mays are buried six feet under does not mean that we should stop getting hours of perverse entertainment from them.

The show has been angling this direction anyway ever since they cast Cloris Leachman as one of the stars. We could have sworn she died decades ago.

The Bachelor:
The Bastard-Fourteen women compete to become The Bastard's next victim. The Bastard will take the lucky winner to a cheap hotel room, promise to love her forever, sleep with her, steal some cash, go and sleep with her mother, and then never call either of them again.

CSI Las Vegas:
CSI: Candyland-In the madcap sugary world of forensic science, Captain Gumball McAnus and his team of experts must dive into the fluff, gather the wrappers, and solve the crime.

Hell's Kitchen:
Hell's Kitchen-Instead of learning to cook from some British Guy why not learn to cook from some real chefs? Learn to toss the perfect salad with Adolf Hitler. Roast the most exquisite chicken with Stalin. Even bake delicious pies with Jim Henson.

True Blood:
True Porn-Need we say more?

Glee:
Glum-A high school Glee club on a trip to North Korea is arrested and put into a maximum security prison for political dissidence. Their only chance to escape is to win Korean Idol, but someone can't seem to stop getting pregnant.

Is the father Finn, the quarterback of the football team, or is it Kim Jon Il, that wacky dictator?

Jon and Kate Plus 8:
Jon and Kate Plus Diphthong- The one thing better than watching a couple struggling to raise eight children is watching a couple struggle to raise two vowels that represent the sound of a single vowel.

How I Met Your Mother:
How I Struggled With My Addiction to Renaissance Fair Pornography with Clever Allusions to Baroque Music That Led to a Life of Crime, Several Stints in Prison, a Nervous Breakdown and an Attempt to Strangle Your Mother Twice-Suit up.

Gossip Girl:
The Uzbekistan Phonebook- Characters recite the entire phonebook for the country of Uzbekistan

Cash Cab:
Horse and Buggy Money- Unsuspecting Amish people flag a horse and buggy to take them from one Pennsylvania town to the next earning cash for every pop culture question they answer correctly along the way.

Candles flicker whenever they answer a question correctly, they are allowed one street and one carrier pigeon shout out. Three strikes and they are tossed out onto the interstate.

Sons of Anarchy:
Gilfs of Anarchy-In the town of Gloaming, CA, a tightknit outlaw gang of wheelchair riding geriatrics fight for their independence in between long naps and games of bingo.

24:
23-Finally Jack Bauer will have time to pee.

The Vampire Diaries:
Duffy the Vampire Fan Slayer- Duffy Brown is not your average high school student.

He is the Selected One, the one person with the power and fortitude to hunt down and destroy Twilight fans.