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In This Issue
- Church Purchases Kwanzaa
- What Goes on in Santa's Head While You Sit on His Lap
- The Netherlands Corner
- Iranipedia: Hannukah
- Celebrity Gravestones!
- Insanity, Actually
- Querido Santa
- These Are A Few of Our Favorite Things
- The Fed Presents: "Aporkalypse"
- Are You Having a Bad Christmas?
- A Very WASP-y Christmas
- Dear Santa
- got meth?
- Letter From the Feditrix
- They Watch
- The Staff of the Federalist
Insanity, Actually
Elliott Grieco
Fed correspondent Elliott Grieco undergoes a personal experiment inspired by Super Size Me, in which he watches Love, Actually every day for an entire month. Below are the recollections of his field notes.
Day 1: Wow, what a precious film!
Day 3: My heart breaks every time I see the "sign scene"...
Day 4: I wonder where that drumming boy is now...he's so cute!
Day 7: I bake a tray of gingerbread cookies meticulously decorated with frosted hearts and sprinkles. Christmas!
Day 10: I feel it in my fingers AND my toes...and my penis.
Day 12: I guess Keira Knightly isn't that hot. Have you ever noticed how crooked her teeth are?
Day 13: Thought of Every Female/Homosexual with the Ability of Reason: Laura Linney you are a MORON, Actually.
Day 15: I've developed an unusual habit of shouting "PRICK!" every time Hugh Grant says "right."
Day 19: I'm almost positive that I spotted a small boy in an octopus outfit on campus today...
Day 20: Emma Thompson had it coming.
Day 22: Earlier today, I instinctively headbutt my car radio when Maria Carey's "All I Want for Christmas" came on.
Day 24: Is that the dude with tentacles on his face from Pirates of the Caribbean?
Day 25: I tattoo a portrait of Colin Firth framed in a Christmas wreath across my back.
Day 27: I reattempt the airport scene at JFK to see if the reality of it holds up. I am subsequently tackled, cuffed, and pepper-sprayed.
Day 29: Wow, is Billy Bob a complete douche in EVERY MOVIE!?
Day 30: Christmas is dead.