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In This Issue

• loving miss maple
• iTouch [Myself]
• Babies Compete for Brangelina's Affection
• Toshing It Around with Daniel Tosh
• CCSC Proposes Species-Neutral Housing
• "Frozen" Director Warms Up to The Fed
• The Belgian Corner
• Extension Emails: What I Wrote vs. What It Meant
• Ergonomic Sex Tips for the Female Engineer
• the morning after
• hipster in cc
• They Watch
• Letter From the Feditors
• The Staff of the Federalist

In the spirit of Columbia's recent movement towards a gender-neutral housing policy for sophomores, juniors, and seniors on campus, the Columbia College Student Council is pushing forward with further housing reform. Yesterday, the council inserted a proposal for inter-species dormitories, highlighting its hopes to dissolve the human/non-human binary.

The council cites possible improvements in overall student hygiene by following the examples of non-human roommates. "I wouldn't be comfortable living with a male," states Bethany Hateman, CC ‘12, "but at least a cat can aim correctly into a litter box."

CCSC is working with Residential Housing to create animal/human neutral shared bathrooms in Wein, Broadway, Carman, and John Jay. Other modifications include the addition of cat nip to residential vending machines and an animal-only reading room in Butler library. CCSC has, however, stipulated that Barnard animals will still need to be signed in to Columbia dormitories.

With the lack of any other current news involving sex, drugs, and President Obama's alliance with Muslim fundamentalists, the New York Post has already run an article about the proposal. The headline read, "The Columbia Animal Farm (Get it? They're communists!) Becomes an Animal House (like the movie!!)"

The proposal has sparked immediate student action on campus. The College Republicans called the new measure "hedonistic." The College Democrats fired back by calling the College Republicans "racist, sexist, and colonialist." Some campus groups have chosen to actively involve their new roommates: C-Spot is planning to run a beastiality- themed issue including them next month and Columbia Musical Theatre Society will present an all-cats version of the popular 90s musical "Cats." Additionally, the Bwog will begin to allow particularly hairy SEAS students to be a part of its "personals" series.

However, the controversy has most surprisingly created a division within the animal rights groups at Columbia. Columbia Students for Animal Protection launched a protest against the resolution, while the newly formed Columbia Students for Animal Rights will hold a "sleep-in" on campus with their pets and, if applicable, graduate-student partners. The activities of Conversio Virium will continue as normal.

When asked about her feelings on the new proposal, Gretchen Ewe, CC '13, responded, “BAAAAAAHHH.”