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In This Issue

• loving miss maple
• iTouch [Myself]
• Babies Compete for Brangelina's Affection
• Toshing It Around with Daniel Tosh
• CCSC Proposes Species-Neutral Housing
• "Frozen" Director Warms Up to The Fed
• The Belgian Corner
• Extension Emails: What I Wrote vs. What It Meant
• Ergonomic Sex Tips for the Female Engineer
• the morning after
• hipster in cc
• They Watch
• Letter From the Feditors
• The Staff of the Federalist

The college admissions essay. Finally a chance for Columbia University to get to know the real me, or the overzealous-most-definitely-need-a-good-lay me.

Step one: Show my masterful use of the hyphen, or should I use the Latin, vous êtes incompétents.

Step two: Break out my old thesaurus, which doubles as a erotica (because I only get hard by staring at synonyms for "sex"), to prove that I can use meticulously clumsy word-choice in de rigueur fashion, while simultaneously invoking my profound knowledge of anglicized French.

After discussing the glorious nature of my excessively mundane activities, I check the word count and realize I have completed my application! Those people, and you damn well better know who you are, who use(d) this formula on many an application = THEY!!!