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In This Issue
- Letter From the Editor
- They Watch
- Alcohol.edu Valedictorian Gets Schwasty
- Student Spots Celeb and Doesn’t Flip a Shit; Friends Doubt Her Sanity
- Columbia College First-Year Picks Worst Chair in Classroom
- Columbiascopes
- Class Clown’s Unexpectedly Well-Conceived Joke Falls Flat in LitHum Class
- Tweets of the Week
- Black Friday: A Nocturnal Dad In The AM
- The First Danksgiving Miracle
- Santa Claus is actually Jewish
- What Do You Think?
- “A Rugrats Chanukah” Cures Anti-Semitism
- The Yellow Term Paper
- #ivyleagueproblems
- If You Tweet in the Forest, Does it Make a Sound?
- New Elder Scrolls Game Released “For Nefarious Pro-Capitalist Agenda,” Crackpot Says
- Dance for me, Millie
- How to Increase the Utility of Your Bathroom When You're Shitfaced
- Adventures on DateMySchool.com
- Decoded
- Ask Mark
- Heart2Heart “Facebook Official”
- Reviews of Movies We Haven't Seen Yet: Jack and Jill
- “American Horror Story” is Actually Crazy
- “Dance Moms”: Small Girls, Big Hair
Santa Claus is actually Jewish
David Salazar
Everyone’s favorite fat man has been revealed to be a devout follower of the Jewish faith. Interestingly enough, the question of Santa Claus’ religion had never been raised until now, as his job had been taken as a tacit endorsement of the Christian faiths.
Not so.
“I had always thought that people were aware of my religious beliefs,” Claus said. “It’s not that big of a deal is it? I mean, I still deliver presents to every kid in the world, regardless of my religious beliefs.” he added. But not everyone shares his views.
Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced a boycott of gifts this year upon learning Santa’s religious beliefs.
“It’s not really his place to try to indoctrinate our kids by giving them presents and I won’t stand for it,” the presidential hopeful announced to a cheering crowd in Mobile, AL.
Angered by the accusations of proselytizing, Santa pointed out that his job has nothing to do with his religion.
“The congresswoman from Minnesota might want to know that I don’t indoctrinate kids with anything but kindness -- she’s the one who takes kids to church,” he said.